new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
