i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
