You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
