apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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