im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
