The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
