So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
