so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
...so i touched it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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