two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
