I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm always down for nudity.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
