I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
