U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
