Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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