i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
