Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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