Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
