i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
