as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize