just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
there is glitter all over my balls
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
