I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she pinky promised me she was 18
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
