I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
