omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
