my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
