I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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