I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
