I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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