"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize