I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
