my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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