Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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