Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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