i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
