i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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