FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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