In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So many bounce houses so little time
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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