i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
