i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
