what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
