You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
