Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
