Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize