we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
