I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize