my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
