dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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