I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
