I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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