He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So vagazzling was a success
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
