The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
