So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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