i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
