Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
