found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
