The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
