We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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