You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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