Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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