Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
