I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
