dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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