What a fucking waste of an outfit
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
