Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my being single is dangerous.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
