So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
