i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
