We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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