believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
