If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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